While it isn’t the most feel-good topic, finding your way back to being happy again after a period of grief and loss means learning how to move through it. I have a lot of experience with this I’m ready to share, especially since it’s fresh right now. This may not be for everybody, but it’s here for whoever may need it. Also, if you find this useful and haven’t read my last post, there’s a second on “Grieving in Community” towards the end that’s worth a read.

Communicate with the people closest to you how you are truly doing. Be honest. You don’t have to put the burden of how you’re feeling or what you’re going through on them- you can just open up and let them know so they can be aware. Then let them care for you how they are able to. Receive help, compassion, understanding, support with simple gratitude and an open heart. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable to receive when you’re not used to it, but it’s good for you to allow yourself to just be loved and supported. You don’t need to do be doing anything really at this time other than taking care of yourself. One way to do that is not to isolate while you’re going through it. Just be open with the people in your life you can trust with the heavy truths. They’ll be there. Even if it’s just letting you know you’re not alone and they care. That in itself can be such a comfort.

Don’t rush the healing. You may feel impatient to just “get over it” and move forward to everything already. Honor where you’re at and know skating will be there for you when you’re ready to ease back in.

Know when you need to be alone and know when you need to get out and be around people. Being able to make that call for yourself will keep you from isolating unhealthily but also allows you to give yourself permission to take time to yourself as you need to. You may be seeing all these fun events and meet-ups and social experiences around skating you’re missing out on but know you’re not able to participate and go. That can feel sad, a bit of FOMO mingled with “I wouldn’t be able to have fun right now anyways.” But there’ll be more fun times that are waiting for you, so you’re not missing out. You’ll get more chances and opportunities. You’ll laugh and dance and smile again. And when you need it, it’s here for you. It really helps if you have communicated with your friends/family/community about what’s going on in your life so that they are aware, know, and can invite you out occasionally. You don’t want to spend too much time alone or by yourself that it creates this feeling of isolation and disconnection. Accept some of those invites even if you don’t feel super up for it just to get out. It’ll be good for you. Nobody expects you to be balls to the walls when you’re going through it- they just want to see you and appreciate you came. People will start missing you, too, so don’t stay away too long- even if it isn’t easy, get back out there once in awhile. Let yourself feel lighter and be surrounded by people who care. You don’t have to even talk about the heavy stuff. Just let yourself get out once in awhile. It’ll be good for you. Even if it serves as a slight distraction, those can be good in the since of you need moments of joy and happiness despite the grief and loss you’ve been feeling. You need to continue to fill your life with the good things you still have and appreciate them.

Feel it. Probably the worst part nobody likes but is most essential is to feel the feelings. Feel the emotions, let yourself grieve. Feel the sadness, the grief, the loss, the love, the pain. The feelings want for you to see and feel them. They are there to be felt and move through. And if you let them pass through, if you honor them, if you basically purge and release them by letting them move through you instead of stuffing them down, ignoring them, escaping them, avoiding them…you’ll be free of them and lighter. You’ll release them. They can’t get out of you if you don’t let yourself feel them fully. You don’t want emotions stuck in your body, you don’t want them to build up and weigh you down.

Move your body. One of the ways I release emotions is through physical movement. A run, a skate, dancing, exercise, etc. Maybe a skate isn’t a bad idea if you’re similar in this way- at first it may be hard to move or have the energy, but just trying can help you get going with it again. It’s likely those first few skates will feel different, but skating can be therapeutic as a way to move your body and release emotions that way. Just simply rolling is the easiest way to get yourself moving. Worth a try!

Go solo skate outside. My favorite way to skate when I am processing a lot internally is to pack my skates in my car, go explore a new spot and then skate it. Something about experiencing a new space on skates is really freeing/liberating, which allows me to let go of lower emotions and feel higher ones because I can’t feel bad anymore when I feel alive in that moment having a new experience. I just let go of anything I was feeling previously and in that moment feel pure joy again. Skating is such a gift in that way. It’s like all my senses get engaged- the fresh air, the wind, the sunlight, the views, feeling my body move, the freedom and creativity of flowing with the moment… there’s a full range of emotions that are available in opening up to feeling through something new you get to enjoy for the first time. Also scientifically, being outside in nature is healthy for your mental, emotional, creative and physical well-being (read “The Nature Fix”). So find a trail or park and go skate solo. Tell me how you feel afterwards. 😉

Be there for yourself and love yourself through this. Because nobody understands more than you what you need and how to love you than you do! You understand yourself at a deeper level than anyone else could. You know what you need. You know how to give that to yourself. It just takes the willingness to be the one to do it and the decision to truly honor what you need right now. Choosing to love yourself, show yourself compassion, be understanding and gentle toward your own self when you’re going through a hard time and experiencing something heavy… your relationship with yourself is so powerful. The kindness you can show yourself during this time can go a long way. Be with yourself. Sit with yourself. Love yourself in the moment with all the kindness and understanding and compassion and patience you can offer. Everything you need is within you. You already have it. It’s not outside of you. So reach in deep and give to yourself what it is you need. Being present and loving toward yourself is one of the best things you can do. Just moment to moment. Allow yourself to be your own biggest support. Fill your own cup in all the ways you can pour into yourself. You’ll come out stronger, empowered and loving yourself on a deeper level than you ever have met yourself before. You’ll also be able to meet others on a deeper level because you’ve met yourself on a deeper level. You’ll have greater love, compassion, understanding and patience with others (guaranteed). You’ll also develop a sense of being proud of yourself! The way you carry yourself through things brings you a strength nobody else can really comprehend quite like you can. It’s this knowing you’ll carry with you the rest of your life how capable you are of getting through because you can rely and depend on yourself- and this sense of pride that yeah, I picked myself up and I got through. And if I did it that time, I can do it this time, too. And I can encourage others to do the same.

There’s obviously a lot more I could add here, but this seems adequate for today for what came to mind first. Let me know if you’ll like more on this! I’ve just been freewriting my thoughts, but it’s been so therapeutic to share out loud through writing and letting my thoughts be read. Thank you for allowing me to share here about this- it’s a bit uncomfortable because I know it isn’t the ‘happiest of topics’ and not everyone is going to feel drawn to, relate or resonate with this. But I hope at some point it’s here for whoever needs it. Now or later. I think having something useful to pass on out of a dark time makes it more worth experiencing and getting through- like finding some sense of what good can be gained instead of feeling like what happened was just a complete loss and for nothing. I want some good to come out of it.

Breanna
aka @scoprioriding
formerly “Simon Slays 55”

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Also, disclaimer: I’m not a therapist or mental health professional, so I’m not liable or responsible; I’m simply sharing what I do and passing on things I’ve personally done to anyone who might be looking for ways to move through grief and loss.