First read my previous post about “Happy Skating – Finding Joy in the Journey” if you haven’t yet. This is a continuation of those thoughts.

Happy Skating is an Aspiration + Inspiration
I aspire to be a happy skater and to inspire others to be happy skating.

What makes you happy is individual but probably shared when it comes to skating- but it also can evolve as you evolve as a skater in your skating journey.

What Makes You Happy Evolves As You Evolve
For example, when I first started, I felt happiest when I progressed in my skills because then I was able to perform better as a skater on my roller derby team. Then, as I healed and released my need to perform better for my team, I found more happiness in empowering fellow skaters to find their happiness in skating no matter what skill level they were and in creating safe, inclusive, welcoming, accepting spaces that cultivated FUN through skating. Then during the pandemic I found happiness through discovering street skating on quads. Then I found happiness in creating videos, “passing it on” through tutorials on YouTube teaching rollerskating and being able to reach skaters all over the world online. Then I found happiness in dancing on rollerskates, embodying my self-confidence, sensuality and allowing myself to be free in my self-expression. I keep evolving, and I will continue to- as both a skater and a person.

What I’m Here For
I’m here for the journey. I’m here for the full range of expression. I’m here for fully embodied experiences. I’m here for the ups and downs. I’m here for being authentic and transparent in that journey. I’m here for letting yourself show up as you are and right where you are. I’m here for embracing each other in community rather than ostracizing. I’m here for having fun and enjoy skating. I’m here for supporting, inspiring, uplifting, hyping and encouraging each other. I’m here to be a part of something deeper than surface level. I’m here to show up real in my truth, no matter if everyone gets it or understands, because this is my experience and I’m going to own it. I’m here to be empowered and to empower others where I can. I’m here to just be a part of things and let my presence bring that good energy. That’s what I’m about. That’s what I’ve always been about.

Focused on Positivity
One of the things most people will pick up about me is I’m a happy and positive person. I bring good energy and I give good energy. That doesn’t mean I’m tuned out. I mind my business, but I notice everything. I may not fw every single person that’s out there (it’s rare but happens- if I witness something I can’t respect in your character I’m out), but I don’t let anyone bother me, either. I let people be who they are and I pay attention to what I align with and what I don’t. I don’t send anyone hating ass energy, ever. I just stay on my vibe. I don’t change myself to be more accepted or acceptable for others, I don’t care about anyone’s approval- I’m going to vibe and do my thing, and I’m going to be respectful and aware. I don’t waste my energy or attention on negativity, and instead I try to focus what I have to give on creating what I do want to see. Even if that’s how I show up.

Stay you, keep showing up and being authentic. Show up strong in your truth and don’t give your energy or attention to negativity. Focus on the good things you want to create and put your attention toward what you want to see grow and expand. Put that energy to good use with where you put your focus.

Being a happy skater and being happy skating is part of how I focus on being positive. It has always been my mission (aspiration) to spread that around (inspiration). I want to create more positivity around me through being a positive energy. I can’t change anything outside of my self and how I show up, taking responsibility for myself, but I can influence through being who I am out in the world and making a positive impact. That’s why I’ll always pride myself in being a positive person because somebody has to bring that energy and I’m happy to be the one to do it.

Grieving In Community
A positive, happy person isn’t immune to difficult, painful, traumatic, dark, sad, negative experiences. We’re just as much human as everyone else. In fact we probably learned how to be positive as a way to get out of negative spaces as a coping mechanism.

When I’m low, when I’m not my usual self, when my energy isn’t high, when I’m going through something…I typically want to retreat. It makes sense and in same ways is healthy to process privately, of course. (Also, it feels extremely frustrating to me because that’s not how I like to be- I want to be myself: energized, positive, having fun, bringing that good energy…it’s hard to be around people and let people see me when I’m not myself). But I’ve realized in your lowest moments is when your community is your biggest asset if you let them be. You don’t have to suffer in silence or isolate yourself during hard times. Yes, it takes courage to be vulnerable and say “this happened and I’m not okay right now, I’m processing a lot” and without putting that burden on anyone else, simply share what you’re going through and allow those who care to step in and show it.

I’ve realized when you’re down, when you’re low, that’s when your friends and your community and your loved ones have the chance to lift you up- if you let them.

I’m so grateful for the friends who have checked in on me, chatted with me in my DM’s, just let me know you’re there and care. That support means a lot. Not having to carrying it alone and just knowing my community is behind me supporting me and cares is a comfort. This loss wasn’t just about losing my best friend- we all did. Everyone who met and knew Marq lost a beautiful person who was a part of the community, no matter if you were as close to him as I was or not. His presence was a light I miss.

I’m so grateful for the people in my life who have been there. Truly. I’m coming back to this post a few days later to add this. It’s hard. But a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a space I feel safe to let it out and where it’s okay I’m not okay… words can’t describe what a comfort that is. I don’t have to carry this alone. And I hope you know that, too.

This is the second huge life changing news I’ve publically shared and let my community in on because something was too heavy to bear alone. I can say from experience I’m so f*cking grateful that I have a community and friends and loved ones that has shown me you care. Who’ve helped me through. I know I’d do the same in a heartbeat for any of my friends / loved ones.

I love that while we can be so lighthearted and all about skating, we also know how to show up and come together when someone needs it. Keep that. It’s so valuable and one of the most important things about community- the support and love we can offer each other.

To be honest, thinking about showing up at the rink isn’t something I’m up for yet because I think I’d just break down crying. The love I feel in those rooms is beautiful but I can’t carry that sadness into my happy place. I’m moving toward a place where I am finding peace, but the grief is still heavy and the memories strong. I know grief is a heavy emotion to bear witness to and not everyone is comfortable holding space for. I’m capable of doing that for myself, and thankfully I have supportive angels in my life who are there for me right now, but when the time comes and I can return in a stable enough state of being -not so raw and vulnerable as right now- I accept all the hugs and invites to re-enter what’s always been such a safe haven for me to find my joy again.

Thank you for letting me share and be open. I hope by doing that it encourages more openness and sharing on this vein. We can talk about the good times and the bad. They’re all part of life, they’re all important- and you don’t have to be any certain way at any time. Just be you. Just show up however you can. The right people will support you through. Don’t worry about the ones who don’t. They got their own sh*t to deal with that’s not your concern and it probably has nothing to do with you. We all do. Anytime I go through a hard time, I became so acutely aware of that. I’m not the only one who’s lost a loved one. I’m not the only one who hopes I find a way to continue on in my passion and joy of skating while still grieving such a heavy loss. I know I’m not alone.

I hope this sparks some healing conversations and opens up a safe place -even if it’s just with me- where you feel safe to be real, too. Some of my strongest connections I’ve made in the skating community happened over going through the same sucky experience just because I was brave enough to share. And to see us thriving on the other side of that, over a year later- it’s just the thing to give me hope now. You got this baby. Keep skating, keep it real. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments if you have any, this is your open invitation.

For the aspiration + inspiration of happy skating-

Breanna
aka @scoprioriding
formerly “Simon Slays 55”

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